4

This is it.

Hello guys!

As i told you in the beggining of March ive been experience some major problems with my right arm. These problems probably started already 2-3 years ago, but with some changes of chairs and equipment ive been managing the pains. However this year it turned much much worse. Again i bought some new equipment ment to help me out, but it was too late. Ive been unable to even use the computer to send e-mails for two weeks, and the two last weeks after that its gotten better, but its still far from good.


When i returned to DotA2 i said that i wanted to play on highlevel, both since my wife thinks that the number of hours that i spend should give something, but also since i also think so. Starting up the team was already there some indication of troubles. Im not gonna hang out either players or sponsors, but i can assure you that there is tons of things happening behind the scenes, and that i feel like i've been 'tricked' more then one time during this return.

Anyway i felt i was behind in skill on a personal level, and the team needed tons of time to get better. We worked hard and didnt really reach anywhere in the top. We got better, but it was hard. Perhaps this was also a reflection of my lacking motivation as my arm got worse, because many of the players of my team got worse when we played together. I will take some of the blame for that.
We worked ourselves up in the Jeesport tornament, a tournament with not many top teams, however this was a way for our team too see that we were getting somewhere. Before the quarterfinals i couldnt even participate due to my problemed arm, i mean i litteraly couldnt even move it without feeling heavy pains. So we had to use a standin.

At this point my motivation was at lowest level. And now with beeing off the game about 5 weeks from that, i still feel really without motivation.

So this is it. I wont return to the gamingscene anymore, i might play some games at my own level, or maybe i play with some team but then i will use an alternative nick. The era of papadrayich is over. I take alot of positive things with me from gaming, i really had fun over the years, and i feel like i got alot of benefits from beeing a gamer aswell. Trips, sponsorships and actually also money. All togehter its an experience which i even wrote down some of in my CV, i feel proud of this period and im happy that i managed to keep on playing also at the same time as the making of my family.

I know that ive both quit and started playing many times, and thats the deal with gaming for me since i have to get my everyday to keep working, changed jobtimes, changed situations with the kids, my wife changing her jobs and interests also. But this time its about me, i guess for the first time only about me. My body says its enough and my mindset also says its enough. I will miss it, and i will regret this decsision at times, however now my age and skill will help me stay off, simply since i cant just get back now. Im way to far behind.

As for shoutouts its so many people i will remember from this era, and maybe i will meet them again in a different role in gaming, shoutcasting, maybe writing something, maybe doing some interviews, i havent said i wont do that yet, but i also havent said i will do that.

But in the end the people that i put the most respect towards is my team and my family. Because they accepted me as i was. My team for understanding my limits and letting me make strategies from those, my wife for giving me honest time to sit down and practice. For putting down the important matches in the calender above the dishes so we made sure i could play them without getting disturbed. For understanding what person i am, and take me seriously when i need it and understand my jokes when i needed that.

I dont know if the put together accomplishments from my DotA/HoN really means something, or is worth mentioning comparing to others. But every tournament i've won, and every trip that i've gone to, and every LAN that i've hosted here at my place i had TONS of fun. Respect between players has been there all the time, and for that im really greatful.

Special thanks:

DotA1 - You saved me when i needed saving. I had a really hard time in my life when i started playing this game, and it helped me get things together. I had so much fun with you, and fun fact is that one of the games i remember most was me playing Queen of Pain, the 15september 2005. I had two null talismans and a stygian (yeah, judge me) and i had to go AFK at 21.20 that evening. The reason i had to go afk was the most legitmit reason ever. My wifes water broke! ;)

HoN - The ability to play with my friends was what attracted me to you. And we had so much fun. The LAN we had here in my house before DH when we lost 25 games outta 30 and still decided to go to dreamhack. The trips to China and Singapore which i will never forget.
For the pressure you put on DotA2 developers and LoL developers, which i think was one of the factors why MOBA genre is so big today, i thank you.

For BreakyCPK and Tobi, which i got to meet many times. For Laura and Hassan. For Digitalyouthawards. I thank you.
DotA2 - For finalizing the best game in this genre ever. There i said it. DotA2 just breaks all the other games, and makes what HoN made DotA1 only better.

Digitalyouthawards, Dreamhack, World Expo Shanghai, Gosugamers, Mousesports, Sk-gaming, Reason-gaming, The Source Of Gaming, Dotapickup Some of the organisation worth mentioning, you all had your fair share of making my gaminglife funnier and more interesting. Thank you!

Hyddae, Xoynoznu, Away For beeing lifetime companions. You guys are just best.

Rus_agent007, giftig, Snake, KuKu, Rushmeplz, Loda, Kwom, Bogdan, Akke, Kruemel, StaedarN, Jesse, Penguin, Imba, HenryD beeing players i never forget, you all effected my gaming in some way.

Totte, Borze, Henka, Edwing, Krutte, Blewdigejewn, Metabjörn, Blajjan, Walle, Tiam, Trosn More friends then players, but you ment alot during this period of time, also for your insight and your positive attitude behind the games.

All the good admins from tornaments that i met Mostly i felt like you listended to me, and perhaps that was since i listened to you aswell.

For everyone supported me, or my team, or my belives, or my youtube songs I had a fair share of haters, but the love from you were always the power that won. Thank you for every word, every smiley, every thought you made that was ment positive for me.

My wife not one single time during these seven years of DotA she behaved bad towards me for playing. The way she from day 1 had respect and also joy out of my gaming is just admiriable. Coming with me to dreamhack, following games on streams and giving me time and place to do what i really enjoyed. I love you for that.

Mattias Lies who made our incredible song for World Expo 2011. This song is just awesome. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNYW_oc_Iso
Buy it on iTunes or check it out on Spotify


I probably missed someone, and im sorry. A simpler way to do this is to just write thanks to everyone, but i wanted to try to point some of you out. It feels important to me.

Anyway, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!

If your interested in following me, then do so at http://blogg.dt.se/pappakim - this is my swedish blog about parenting.